The Core

Theresa said I should start keeping a list of things I believe contrary to all science and evidence

1. Knocking on wood invokes helpful sprits that dissipate the angry energy aroused by making hopeful statements. I do not believe in existence of God, Heaven, Hell, UFOs, alien abductions, astrology, honest politicians, chemtrails, people who can taste GMO foods, or any number of these things, but I do believe that the happiness in my life is largely owed to these helpful spirits and knocking on wood to call them to my aid. I know this to be true.

2. Tea water does not mix with non-tea water. Though I believe that any substance that is fully dissolved into solution and stirred mixes evenly on a basic molecular level, I know that tea water happens to be an exception to this rule. Hot tea water that has been brewed in the proper manner by pouring very hot water over tea leaves (and not the tepid water that passes for hot in most American restaurants and preferably not over tea leaves held captive in a membrane of pulverised, acid-treated wood, AKA paper) is somehow "unfriendly" to cold water introduced to bring this more quickly to a drinkable temperature. This added cold water will not go fully into solution and will result in a metallic watery taste. The people who can taste GMO foods are clearly insane. The people who can not taste when unfriendly cold water has been introduced to a cup of tea, even if the sum is then brought up to an acceptable mouth-scalding temperature, are clearly lacking a receptor. I know this to be true.

Tea pots should never be washed, only wiped on the outside as that's how the flavour is built up and boiling water sterilises it on every use anyway.

a chip stolen from someone elses plate tastes better than one on my own  plate.

now I know that is true.

>> a chip stolen from someone elses plate tastes better than one on my own  plate.

A mate of mine, a 6ft3 crane operator who can handle himself was in this bar in London. There were these group of other blokes at the bar, he heard one of them saying they were going to nick one of his chips. He waited, then my mate stabbed him in the hand. Bit of argy bargy ensued. My mate fully expecting to be thrown out, was told "I better get you some fresh foods, that stuff has blood all over it"

Only steal chips from trusted people.

I bet the barman had been waiting for that to happen for years.

>it seems like stabbing someone over a french fry is extreme.

That depends on how good the french fry is...

>seems like stabbing someone over a french fry is extreme.

I can think of certain instances this would seem a reasonable reaction.

something something man and his food...

>don't respond well to talk therapy

That's such a nice way to say "they don't listen."