Author Topic: I know this to be true  (Read 1803 times)

ergophobe

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I know this to be true
« on: April 09, 2017, 04:32:38 PM »
Theresa said I should start keeping a list of things I believe contrary to all science and evidence

1. Knocking on wood invokes helpful sprits that dissipate the angry energy aroused by making hopeful statements. I do not believe in existence of God, Heaven, Hell, UFOs, alien abductions, astrology, honest politicians, chemtrails, people who can taste GMO foods, or any number of these things, but I do believe that the happiness in my life is largely owed to these helpful spirits and knocking on wood to call them to my aid. I know this to be true.

2. Tea water does not mix with non-tea water. Though I believe that any substance that is fully dissolved into solution and stirred mixes evenly on a basic molecular level, I know that tea water happens to be an exception to this rule. Hot tea water that has been brewed in the proper manner by pouring very hot water over tea leaves (and not the tepid water that passes for hot in most American restaurants and preferably not over tea leaves held captive in a membrane of pulverised, acid-treated wood, AKA paper) is somehow "unfriendly" to cold water introduced to bring this more quickly to a drinkable temperature. This added cold water will not go fully into solution and will result in a metallic watery taste. The people who can taste GMO foods are clearly insane. The people who can not taste when unfriendly cold water has been introduced to a cup of tea, even if the sum is then brought up to an acceptable mouth-scalding temperature, are clearly lacking a receptor. I know this to be true.

buckworks

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2017, 04:54:41 PM »
Add to that list:

- Tea tastes better when served in an elegant china cup.

- Wine tastes better out of a fine crystal glass. Not to mention other spirits!

-----

Here's your perfect teapot ... it's my favorite item to give as a wedding gift:

https://paderno.com/shop/vienna-teapot/

The mesh strainer lets you dispense with teabags.

JasonD

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2017, 07:47:11 PM »
Tea pots should never be washed, only wiped on the outside as that's how the flavour is built up and boiling water sterilises it on every use anyway.

ukgimp

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2017, 08:03:38 AM »
Sandwiches made my someone else taste better.

Rupert

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2017, 12:46:55 PM »
a chip stolen from someone elses plate tastes better than one on my own  plate.

now I know that is true.
... Make sure you live before you die.

littleman

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2017, 04:32:15 PM »
>Sandwiches made my someone else taste better.

That could be a metaphor for a lot of things.

ukgimp

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2017, 07:47:56 AM »
>> a chip stolen from someone elses plate tastes better than one on my own  plate.

A mate of mine, a 6ft3 crane operator who can handle himself was in this bar in London. There were these group of other blokes at the bar, he heard one of them saying they were going to nick one of his chips. He waited, then my mate stabbed him in the hand. Bit of argy bargy ensued. My mate fully expecting to be thrown out, was told "I better get you some fresh foods, that stuff has blood all over it"

Only steal chips from trusted people.

Rupert

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2017, 08:14:17 AM »
Quote
"I better get you some fresh foods, that stuff has blood all over it"

Both the barman, and you were right. I steal from my wife, but not my daughter.
... Make sure you live before you die.

ergophobe

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2017, 03:37:23 PM »
I bet the barman had been waiting for that to happen for years.

littleman

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2017, 04:58:07 PM »
Maybe I am getting old and soft, but it seems like stabbing someone over a french fry is extreme.

grnidone

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2017, 06:55:32 PM »
>it seems like stabbing someone over a french fry is extreme.

That depends on how good the french fry is...

ukgimp

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2017, 07:40:37 PM »
Extreme. But only in his hand

I don't disagree with you though LM :-)
« Last Edit: April 11, 2017, 07:49:44 PM by ukgimp »

Drastic

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2017, 02:17:54 PM »
>seems like stabbing someone over a french fry is extreme.

I can think of certain instances this would seem a reasonable reaction.

something something man and his food...

ergophobe

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2017, 04:14:01 PM »
I am philosophically, though not always temperamentally, a man of peace. But there was a local guy who does stuff like this all the time, and I would have clapped if I had seen someone stick a fork in his hand when he went to pilfer a slice of pizza

Some people are slow learners and don't respond well to talk therapy

grnidone

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Re: I know this to be true
« Reply #14 on: April 12, 2017, 07:10:18 PM »
>don't respond well to talk therapy

That's such a nice way to say "they don't listen."