Climbitofact ratings of this statements
You need to derail this train immediately.
Generally true
Eye contact will only lead to conversation about climbing.
Definitely true.
It’ll start with something benign, like “it’s scary!”
Doubtful
Soon your partner will be contorted into some weird position and breathlessly urging you to understand that “the pincher wants you to barn-door, so you should heel-hook it!”
Definitely true. When we shared "the Basecamp" with other climbers, our conversations rarely sounded like this (because it is really boring, really fast). But when *visitors* showed up who were only climbing on the weekend, we instantly entered what we called "the 24/7 climbing channel" which led to retreats to bedrooms and quiet parts of the house.
Now your partner spends a lot of time with a guy who lives in a 1995 Dodge Neon.
Eventually, definitely so. Although, being somewhat older, our friend lives in a Prius. The wastrels live in Sprinter vans.
His name is Decker
Still subject to verification. Undoubtedly a nickname acquired because he decked not once, but twice, and walked away unhurt. I know of two guys, a friend of friends and his impromptu partner. I know them merely as "Falling Noah" and "Catching Noah." Catching Noah is an M.D. We know him as Catching Noah.
your partner still seems to struggle to open a jar of salsa
Requires further fact checking. When I met Theresa, there was no jar that could defeat her. I saw strong men, long-time decent climbers (5.12 leaders if that means anything) give up and start walking for the pliers. I said "Just give it to Theresa."
"Phhh ha. Yeah" as he continues to walk for the pliers, but not taking two steps before seeing the lid spin with an ease that astounds him. "It must be handy to have one of those around the house he says."
but right now he or she won’t stop quoting John Muir.
Unlikely. More likely to be quoting Alex Lowe over and over and over again. I don't think in over 45 years of climbing, I've ever heard a climber quote Muir, except me. But never to another climber. Just to tourists at ranger talks.
Do not be distracted by the man who, in this climate-controlled warehouse, is wearing a wool beanie but no shirt.
Actually, he's usually not a bad guy. Go ahead and be distracted.
